Losing Hope
by primitivekittens
Summary: Wildwing's thoughts of Mallory and their relationship. Warning for adult, non-sexual themes, language and extreme angst.


Pairings: Slight hints of W/M  
  
Rating: PG-13/slight R due to angst, language and non-sexual adult themes.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own the Mighty Ducks, Disney does.  
  
Author's Note: Don't get mad at me for this one, I've done suicide before in this fandom and I'm more than likely to explore the theme again later. Don't like it? Don't read it, it's just that simple. Don't leave me petty reviews with all of the, "Your fic is sooooo wrong b/c I've been through this before and it's just wrong to talk about it and it upsets me" bullshit, I don't want to hear it. If you leave one of those, then fuck you, I will be responding back and I will be a bitch about it. You have been warned. Thanks to Jen and Jerri for reading this ahead of time, and hugs for Jill since I don't want her feeling left out, ^^.  
  
Losing Hope  
  
We're thousands of miles away now, you and I, separated by a galaxy; not of time or of actual space, but of fear and hopelessness, emotions gone awry. We live so close, I can walk two steps in any direction and find you, yet our minds and our hearts are eons apart. I have so many questions, the answers just aren't there, and none seem to be forthcoming any time in the near or distant future.  
  
I look to the wall to my left; your room is directly next to mine. I hear you sobbing on nights like this one when you think that no one else hears. My heart wrenches into a thousand knots with every cry you choke out, I feel your pain rip through my bones and my soul, even if you aren't near me. I place my hand against the cool divider between us, I wish I could go right through it and gather you up in my arms, I'd be your knight in shining armor, making sure that nothing would ever hurt you this badly again. If only you'd let me, if only you weren't so strong, if only you didn't feel the need to let everyone think you're cold and heartless, including myself.  
  
I know why you hurt so badly inside; I can tell that nothing has been right for you since you've been here. You haven't gotten close to anyone here since we've landed on this god-forsaken planet; I know that you feel alone. You think we don't care, and you're right when it comes to most of us; I wish you knew that it doesn't apply to me. Your past has been scarring, why else would anyone act the way you do? I can see through the layers you wrap around yourself and I can see that you hurt more than you let on, that the events of your past don't, and probably never will, have any closure to them. Maybe you hurt inside because you love, because there's one of us here that you care enough about to feel hurt by, that is the one thing about your pain that I do not know. I see through you because I once was like you too, alone and afraid but unwilling to show it. I know how to spot someone like you; your façade is transparent to me.  
  
It's been a while, you're sobbing lasts longer than it usually does and I can't stand it anymore. I silently leave my room and punch in the security code to yours, I've memorized it just in case I turn to listen to you one night and I hear something far too quiet for your own good. The door closes quietly behind me; you probably haven't even heard me come in yet. I look to your bed and I find you, I instantly know why your tears have lasted longer tonight. You're lying, hunched over on your bed, your face is buried beneath your wild locks of red hair, in one hand you're clutching the bed sheets and in the other you loosely grasp an open bottle of prescription pills, pain killers most likely. I sit down next to you, only then do you realize my sudden appearance in your room. I wrap my arms around you, unable to keep myself from holding you any longer. You collapse into me, your head rests as a gentle weight on my chest and your body shifts to face me; you're still holding that damned bottle of pills. I stroke your hair softly, I try to get you to calm down, but to no avail. The tears still come, running down your cheeks and all over my shirt.  
  
"Did you take any of those?"  
  
"I.I wanted to, but I.I couldn't do it.I wanted to just take them all and end it now.but I couldn't."  
  
I take the bottle from you; I get it away from your loose grip with ease and set them down on your nightstand. I gather you up in my arms and I let you sink into my flesh, I stroke your hair again and I grasp you tightly to my chest as your sobs die down.  
  
"I won't let this happen to you ever again, I promise."  
  
You seem to believe me and you fall asleep still loosely grasping my waist. I press my forehead to yours and I fall asleep too, maybe we aren't so far apart anymore, and just maybe we've bridged those light years of distance. I just hope that it's not too late, for you or for me. 


End file.
